How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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