Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
