Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
how does that bad decision feel?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
