Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
