im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
