He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
