She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
