Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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