My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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