Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
