i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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