My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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