my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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