If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
