***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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