I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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