are you still at the devil's house?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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