Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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