Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
