you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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