Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
