can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
