he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
