then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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