ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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