guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They have beer where we have blood.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
