Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
