I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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