Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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