My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
