his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
