I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
