Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
