I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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