Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
