dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
