This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
