we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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