hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
