We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
