The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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