I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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