One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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