don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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