This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
