Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
