I just pynch a tree in the face
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.