i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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