He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza