It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo