I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW