So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
