My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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