So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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