I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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