Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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