If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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