never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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