all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
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I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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