My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
