If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
