i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
