i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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