: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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