Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
