I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
