Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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