She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
