i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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