Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
