Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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