I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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