i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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