I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was confusing and full of hummus
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
