It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
