Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
