Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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