Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
