Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
