There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
