My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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